Stuck in Bermuda Triangle

For three years, we’v been stuck in a ‘Bermuda Triangle’ of sorts; spreading ourselves thin between three areas of our lives.  Leaving loose ends at our last stop had inhibited us from moving ahead in our current place.  In short, we were like a racket ball pinging wildly around the court…never knowing quite where we’d land.

But earlier this month…we finally let go of that third anchor that had been close — so close — to our hearts, but weighing us down to the point that our family was sinking.  We just let it go.  Just like that.  And looking back to that day, we both (Nico and I) know that it was the right thing…the BEST thing we could’ve done.

No longer are we stuck going in three different directions at once!  We are down to only two directions in-which we could go from here.  I for one feel much-more free.  And while it was purely heart-breaking to let go of that part of our lives, I know we will have another chance on down the road…when the time is right.

For now, we are still…still.  –Sitting on our little spot where we landed over three years ago.  — Still working on bringing our tiny home on wheels back up to par.  It’s a labor of love, for sure!  But I feel the wind whispering my name; calling me and my family to adventures yet to be had, discoveries yet to be made…somewhere down the road.

Our old Peniki is waning.  She’s seen better days.  But I feel — I know — in my heart that she has a few more journeys left in her rubber band engine.  Her rusty gas tank gets her quite choked up at times; which is no fun for her family…being stuck by the roadside.  Still, being a woman of strong intuition, I know she’s not done just yet!

So I stand strong and firm on my belief that our nostalgic camp mobile will live long enough to see her family down the road to a few more destinations.  When I think of such, my tummy flutters with excitement!  I feel like I’m my young daughter’s age…all over again!  I know, when I get that feeling…it’s the road we need to follow.  And I will follow…where ever the wind whispers.

*Trust your intuition.  Set your spirit free.*

#OneDirection #TooManyDirections #Simplify #SimpleLife

Going Inland

Some thoughts on Sailing, and being a woman at the Helm

Writing & Wanderlust

So…we went inland for the Easter holiday, to see family in La Porte.  Funny how we’ve blended into the weave of fellow IBC’s (Islanders by Choice) here on our Gulf Coastal Island home.  Even still, we long for the water, the rocking back and forth of our sailboat, the clinking of the masts in the wind.  We visited with a local marina the day after Easter, after we got back to the island from a second trip to La Porte in two days because Nico left his phone at his Mom’s the day before.  I have to admit, that day was a good one: lunching with Nico’s dad (the baby’s only living Grandpa), the lolly-gag-of-a-drive back to the island, the visit to the marina…and the smell of the water…down along the slips.

My wanderlust is really getting to me these days, and I miss our sailboat more and more.  If…

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Rescue of a San Juan 24

~ Bottom Cleaning, Swabbing the Deck, and Hull Inspection ~

~ Bottom Cleaning and Hull Inspection ~

Rescue Of A San Juan 24

~ First Cleaning of Our Old Girl ~

Boat’s 1st Cleaning

Life Begins At Forty

Many changes have been taking place, both with my body and within myself, since I turned 40. And at first I felt a little confused by it all; not really able to understand what was going on with me.
Then I watched a movie that I’d seen many times before, though it had never affected me when I was younger as it did that changing day; the day of the epiphany. The movie was Fried Green Tomatoes; the part when Evelyn Couch (played by Kathy Bates) is deep in the throes of menopause. And in conversation with Ninnie ‘Idgie’ Threadgoode (played by Jessica Tandy), Evelyn tearfully confesses “I’m too old to be young, and I’m too young to be old”.

And THAT…in a nutshell, says it all when it comes to how I’ve been feeling since turning forty; the many changes in my personality, who I am becoming, how I feel, the whole nine-yards really. And to top it all off, I’m nurturing a growing toddler as I too bloom and grow into the mid part of my life. I feel blessed to have a loving husband by my side through it all, because I really couldn’t imagine having to go through this transition alone; especially with a small child on my hip.

Needless to say, now that I am in my mid-forties, I am beginning to feel new again; still exhausted and confused, but none-the-less like a butterfly coming out of her cocoon. I can almost feel it; the way it feels to fly. I can almost smell the freedom of older age; not caring so-much how I look but more-so how I feel about ‘me’. It’s funny really, when I look in the mirror I see my face aging…like it’s almost overnight, since I feel some days like I’m still in my twenties. I even forget at times that I’m no longer a child. I guess that’s one of the many blessings of having a late-in-life baby; she keeps me feeling young. On days when I’m feeling low, I still have to keep going. I’m not allowed to sit and be a mope. That’s a good thing! I’m forced to stay afloat, no matter how much I feel like I’m sinking in the every day day-to-day.

I find ways to renew myself. Like lately, I’ve been learning to play my mandolin; the one I’d originally bought for Hubby to play…since he’s the Guitarist. Even still, it’s been about 4 months since I first picked it up…just to fool around and see what kind of sound I could make. To my pleasant surprise, it just seems to fit the new me. I’ve come a long way–according to Hubby–in a very short time; writing, composing, and playing my own songs and blending new sounds into songs we’ve already recorded. Gypsy Vin Rose is our love-child duo; the music that stems from our love for each other, our beautiful daughter Nixi Vin-Rose, for love of life, travel, and just being in nature or flying down the highway in our old VW Van. All of this is what made us who we are as a family. And I’d say, the new me loves who she is becoming.

*Life Is New…Until It Is No More*

Finding Our True North

It seems like finding our ‘true north’ is near-impossible at times.  The harder we try to find our way…to chart another course,  the more we tend to get stuck in the mud of the monotonous…everyday life. I know there are many others out there in the world, like us, who long for la Sprezzatura; as the Italians refer to that certain ease of life and making difficult matters seem easy.

As I observe the norm of the majority, I see that…like us, most folks in America and abroad tend to box themselves into a way of life that is rather impossible at times to maintain. Like trying to escape quicksand, the more they make the more they spend. I ask myself: why? It really makes no sense at all, yet most of us just keep on keeping on, like robots programmed to do something over and over and over again. Where’s the fun? Where’s the adventure? Where’s the…life, in that? Still…I see no reason to work one’s life away (the only one we get) for stuff and material possessions one might never get the time to enjoy. It’s the sad truth–the American way! For us, me and my family, it’s the wrong way.

Yesterday, my husband got up…had a bite to eat–a taco I had just made–and he went sailing. It was a beautiful morning to be on the water, moving along under power of the invisible. To me, there is nothing more exuberating than when the wind is coaxing us along on its wings, when we are being carried on the water by the mysterious force that has never been seen with the naked eye. Sailing is beautiful in-and-of itself; so peaceful, so powerful, so intoxicating. To me…sailing is really living!

Looking back through history, sailboats were a means to another seashore, the mode of transportation, the only mode of transport. The captain would chart his course, hoist the sails, and let the wind take him to where he needed to land. It wasn’t a sport, it was a way of life. I feel that modern way of life has lost its luster to much extent. The passion is gone, that certain ease of life is missing, we’ve yet to find that certain Kefi, the Greeks know so well. Like sailors of long-past-days, we have-yet to find our True North.

It’s really not as hard as it seems; all we must do is sit…think…feel. You see…? If you sit and allow your mind to wander, relax and see the things you love to do–a past place visited, a place you’ve been, something you’ve done or experienced–you’ll know you’ve found that one thing, or your true self when it all lines up. First the thought comes to mind, then your heart starts to race…you feel a rush of excitement, the adrenaline starts to pump, and you feel more alive…even younger! THAT is the thing for you; your true North.

When you find it…never let it go. For if,or when, you do…you will cease to live in a sense. Your world will turn several shades of gray; it will lack color. But then, if you allow yourself, you’ll let your thoughts find your ‘happy place’, and you’ll chart your course…no matter the obstacles in your path. You will look back on your former life, the robotic…monotonous…for-naught lifestyle you’d been accustomed to, and you’ll feel a sense of relief that you did it; you stepped out of the norm and you found your Kefi. And…you’ll finally feel free!

*This life we’re in, it ain’t worth living. The life we love is worth fighting for* — The Big Seashore by Gypsy Vin Rose (http://www.gypsyvinrose.com)

LIVING ON GOLDEN POND

Each day, I try to wake up with a brand-new perspective on life–I love to see the sunrise on golden pond. And I must admit, there are many days I awake to find myself not seeing the brighter side of things; like yesterday…when I had allowed myself to become downtrodden from events in the past
which no longer matter in the future. I tell myself, ‘I cannot change what has already come-to-pass’, but I can alter how I cope with such adversities of life.
I know it sounds rather cliche’, but Each Day really is a New Beginning.

Many people wait for the New Year to bring change to their selves or surroundings, but I choose to make it happen on a daily basis. I have to…because I am the only one who has to live in my skin.
So…if I don’t like something about ‘me’, I chisel away at the unacceptable part of myself and start working on molding the new & improved ‘me’ into shape. Sounds a bit funny I guess, but if you sit and think about these words I write…you will see that we could all use a bit of molding, chiselling, reshaping from time to time.

I find, following close examination, that sometimes I scrutinize myself and everyone around me way too much. I have no control over what others do, but how I respond to things is all on me. I realize I am too sensitive; as my mother always told me. I need to develop a ‘thicker skin’, so to speak. We all do, I guess…every now and again.

In the end…all we are really left with is the very thing we came into this world with–ourselves and the ones who love us most…if we’re lucky.

Which brings me back to what really matters to me in my immediate life; I see my children…their beautiful faces–two of whom I miss so much my heart feels like it is bleeding. I see my husband–the man who wakes up daily to trudge off to a job he hates more and more each day…for pay he sometimes doesn’t even get on time. I hear our daughter say “Bye Daddy”, every time he opens the door.

It makes me sad. Day after day, my time is spent without him; except for weekends; which fly-by in a glance. Day after day, I miss the rhythm of our old Volkswagen Camper Van humming down the highways and biways, looking forward to the next town…the next new discovery or adventure. I miss the sunrise over a new horizon, though I love the one I see on cloudless days. I miss the feel of tiny grains of sand, sifting softly between my toes; the big seashore is calling.

I miss my Mom…I miss my Dad; though they have both been gone too long. Losing your ‘Life’s Blood’, the one’s who gave you life, leaves you feeling like you have no home, like you belong to no one anymore, like you are only half-alive. God forbid, if-ever anyone has ever lost a child; well…I can’t imagine that. I only know that such a loss…to me, would leave me barely alive at all.

I know I ramble on a bit, but that’s just how my thoughts have always worked. I write and write and write…hoping I’ll find the feelings I bury so deep within myself. I’ve never really learned to cope with some of my deepest pains. Perhaps…I never really have grown up after all.

*Never Lose Your Inner-Child*